"…is that a cardboard cutout of Thor?"
"HE HAD A THING NOW DO YOU WANT THE DAMN DORITO OR NOT"
omg im gomen this stopped being funny after i had more than two hours of sleep but it’s been on my hard drive since i saw iron man 3 so i quickly finished and posted it
if you’re about to die, might as well try.
he puts his hands up like he’s pleading and catches the guy completely off guard. i mean. he’s got a gun. guy’s on his knees. he feels totally safe and in control of the situation. then the guys hands are right next to the gun and he surprises him and immediately tilts the weapon up and away from him and yanks the arm down while thrusting his legs forward to kneecap the guy and manages to wrench the gun away
so shit now the second guy is on the ground with probably a broken knee and no gun and the first guy has the weapon and is fucking free and clear remember this me you need to remember this
that door lick omg
Of course it is.
ALL BITCHES THIS IS MY HOME TOWN TAKE A FUCKING SEAT WHILE I TELL YOU THIS STORY. GET A BOWL OF POPCORN BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS DOPE
IN THE 1940’S PORTLAND WAS PUTTING IN LAMPPOSTS AND FOR WHATEVER GOD DAMN REASON THIS ONE NEVER GOT FILLED.
IN 1946, DICK FAGAN, AN AMERICAN IRISHMAN WHO WROTE FOR THE OREGON JOURNAL, GOT BLOODY FUCKING BORED AT HIS JOB AND WOULD LOOK OUT HIS WINDOW ONTO THIS SAD EXCUSE FOR ROAD CONSTRUCTION HOLE. ONE DAY HE SAID “FUCK THIS” AND PLANTED SOME FLOWERS.
HE WROTE ABOUT THIS NEW FUCKING PARK AND SPOKE ABOUT HOW LEPRECHAUNS LIVED THERE AND SHIT. MOTHERFUCKING LEPRECHAUNS IN THE MIDDLE OF DOWNTOWN, WHAT THE SHIT.
HOLD ONTO TO THE EDGE OF YOUR SEATS BECAUSE THIS RIDE GETS EVEN BETTER. THIS PARK HOLDS A GUINNESS WORLD RECORD FOR BEING THE SMALLEST PARK WITH WITH INFORMATION SAYING “It was designated as a city park on 17 March 1948 at the behest of the city journalist Dick Fagan (USA) for snail races and as a colony for leprechauns”. MOTHER. FUCKING. SNAIL RACES. BITCHES.
IT’S EVEN BEEN PIMPED OUT OVER THE YEARS
HO HO HO MOTHERFUCKS WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS HERE
WE CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
THE BEST PART IS THAT IT EVEN HAD OCCUPY PORTLAND PROTESTERS
SO I HOPE YOU FUCKING LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY ABOUT TINY ASS PARKS.
"I wouldn’t be much use, I don’t have my powers."
"So? I’ve never had powers."
HE WAS MEANT TO SING AND WAVE AT SOMEONE AND HE SANG INTO HIS WAVE IM LAUGHING SO HARD
waiting patiently for the end